The thing about shopping for a bridesmaid dress is that you, the bride, will likely have a totally different vision for the look as to what your maids might choose if they were shopping for themselves. It’s a reality that can be tricky to navigate. I’ve seen friends fall out over a dress deemed ‘too retro’, and even questioned my own sister-in-law’s taste when she suggested diamante-embellished corsets for all.
How do I balance finding dresses that I like as well as my bridesmaids?
For the bride, it’s all about the photo effect. What will look gorgeous on the mantelpiece for decades to come, and typically offer a splash of colour that complements the day’s theme and decor? For the bridesmaids, there is a balance to strike between supporting your friend’s wishes, and still trying to look like yourself. I’m a serial bridesmaid, and am also married myself, so I have seen this particular style dilemma from both sides of the aisle.
How can I choose bridesmaid dresses without causing offence?
If you’re hoping to make the right choice for your upcoming wedding (and want to keep your bridesmaids happy too) then I’d suggest you ask them these seven key questions before you shop…
1. Are there any colours you hate?
And I mean really hate. Everyone has hues they prefer to wear over others, but some bridesmaids may feel particularly strongly about certain shades. Asking is always polite, and there are ways around a clash, such as allowing each bridesmaid to wear a different tone or shade of the same colour. But of course, as the bride, you may have a set idea that you want every bridesmaid to look the same. I’ve gamely worn a full spectrum over the years (scarlet satin washed out my fair skin in one cousin’s photographs, while Percy Pig-pink was also a tough one to pull off) but the bridesmaid dresses I’ve typically felt the most comfortable in have always been in classic, universally flattering, have-no-fear colours.
Which colours look good on every skin tone? Shades of blue (navy, teal, duck egg) look great on every skin tone, as do rich hues like burgundy, forest green and plum in the winter. Sage green is also a pastel winner in the spring and summer.
2. Do you like your arms?
I ask this because the arms are often made a focal point in a bridesmaid dress. If you’re looking to buy a classic bridesmaid maxi dress style, then take note of whether the style has sleeves or not, and consider whether your bridesmaids typically might wear a style like that if they were on a night out. Brands from Ghost to Halfpenny offer mix-and-match sleeve lengths, meaning that even if you want every bridesmaid to wear the same colour, you can still allow each to feel comfortable and in line with their preferences.
3. What necklines do you like?
Apply the same consideration to necklines as to sleeves. Not everyone feels confident in a halter/sweetheart/spaghetti strap bodice, so if you’re thinking about finding a one-stop solution to dress multiple maids in, keep this in mind.
4. What’s the bra situation?
Don’t be that bride. You know, the one who picks a minimalist ’90s slip dress with spaghetti straps and an open back for her bridesmaid with a 34F bust to wear. Some bridesmaids will want, or even need to wear a bra. Keep that in mind before selecting a dress that requires them to invest in some underwear wizardry to stop them from spilling out as they walk down the aisle.
5. What’s your style vibe?
Certain fashion themes can be polarising. If you’re hoping to have a vintage-tinged wedding, where the bridesmaids will twirl down the aisle in ‘50s dresses and set hairstyles, then tell your prospective maids about it up front. Thinking you might want to see all your bridesmaids wearing jumpsuits or tuxedos or slinky bias-cut dresses? If you’re considering anything beyond standard bridesmaid attire, it could be polite to flag your ideas at the outset and save yourself from hassle further down the line.
6. What’s your budget? (If your bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses)
The reality is that plenty of brides these days ask their bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, or for their alterations. If this applies to you, then be considerate and don’t choose a dress that your maids will need to plunder their savings to pay for. For bridesmaids on a budget, I’d recommend the draped jersey dresses by TFNC at ASOS (prices from £50, but often on sale) or if you’ve got a little more to spend, try London label Rewritten’s spectrum of gorgeous satins (prices from £135).
Factor in dress alterations. If alterations are needed, think about what they might be – an average UK dressmaker might charge just £20 to take up a hem, but more complicated works adjusting corsetry and necklines can end up costing more than the dress did to begin with.
7. Which of the above is your priority?
When you’ve asked all the questions and listened to the feedback from all of your bridesmaids, it’s then time to start the hunt for the dress or dresses that best meet the configuration of everyone’s preferences.
The trouble is, of course, finding that one solution to meet all requirements may be impossible. This is why the final question is perhaps the most important; which factors are you willing to compromise on? Wearing a halterneck may be an absolute no-no for your friend, but she might decide that the pale pink shade you’ve found on a long-sleeved style could look good on her after all. Keep the conversation going, keep an open mind and stay relaxed. Above all, this shopping experience should be fun. And let’s face it, happiness and confidence will make for the best wedding photos when all is said and done.
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