I’ve been trying to give off ‘wifey energy’ on dating apps but I can’t seem to shift my fun-girl persona. Sadly, for me this has not meant lots of dates – for a dating columnist, I’m failing hard and haven’t been on a date since early April. I know.
Despite what the title of this column suggests, I am looking for something serious right now, and so I’m practicing setting boundaries with men – which has somehow left me dateless. I find myself tolerating less sexy chat and instead aligning on values and needs pretty early on, something I’m sticking to even if it means saying no to a date with a really hot guy after he told me he didn’t want children.
I’ve settled on looking for something serous as it turns out, despite what I’ve been telling myself for years, I’m actually really bad at casual stuff and have been guilty of getting behind the proverbial DJ decks trying to remix “I’m not looking for anything serious” into “boyfriend”.
So now I’m trying to get into my Sofia Richie Chanel-wife-era but the Em Rata single girl era still calls to me faintly. I’m deciding if I should dip my toe back into the casual world for one last steamy summer but I must resist… right?
For those of you who are answering the call of hot-girl summer, the question of what to wear for these casual encounters can be a puzzler. Dressing for casual sex doesn’t have to be casual, but in the same breath, is it weird to dress up in your own house if someone is coming over to hang out? Can you be greeting your lover at the door in your trackies when want to look cute whilst also giving the air of effortlessness? Depends on the trackies, I suppose.
A friend of mine went to a guy’s house during the pandemic for a home-made lasagne. She looked gorgeous and put the effort in by wearing knee-high boots and a knitted dress. Meanwhile he answered the door in a tracksuit and slides. It’s easy to know how to dress when you’re meeting someone for drinks or doing a dinner date but when you’re a few dates in and the casual situationship has found itself only functioning in the confines of your flat or his, the dress code can be much harder to interpret
My friend in the States is currently hooking up with a ‘soccer’ player (babes it’s football, not soccer). They’ve never been anywhere but her house. It went straight from Bumble to the bedroom. For their first hook up (at a very sensible 1.30am), she went for a matching silk pyjama set, which I think is rather iconic, like “oh, you woke me from my slumber so let’s hop back into bed, honey.”
An ex-lover of mine loved it when I came to the door in black lace lingerie and hold-up tights but it turns out he loved it even more when I wore cycling shorts and a white vest with no bra. That night he came over late after a gig and I didn’t have the energy to try and look nice but he later told me the white vest was his kryptonite.
Here’s the edit of the best looks to wear for your summer hook-ups, whether you’re keeping it casual or not…
The best outfits for summer 2023 hook-ups
if you’re… greeting him at the door:
If you’re… having one quick drink in the pub garden then heading straight home:
If you… don’t even care about him so there’s zero effort required:
If you… want to act like you always dress like this when you’re home alone:
If you’re…. going for a ‘cute’ look:
If you’re… hoping to keep it casual – it’s the winning outfit according to my ex-lover:
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